People have been surrounding me with love and support and that means a lot.
This morning, I woke up really early just feeling so blue. I feel like I have nothing left to give anyone. I'm worn down and tired of living in a world where our very loved and wanted baby died for no reason.
Once again, my new friend, Why-on-earth-did-this-happen?, has returned.
Since I haven't felt like doing much of anything today, I am still in my robe and jammies at just about noon. Really, what's the point of getting dressed?
Just a little while ago, I was sitting on the couch, looking at pictures of my sweet little guy and trying to imagine what he might look like now. I miss him so much I don't even know what to do.
While I was sitting there, crying my eyes out, the doorbell rang. Oh great...who on earth could be here? I looked around at the pile of kleenex and my disheveled self and thought good grief, what a mess! I momentarily considered just ignoring it, but I told myself, whoever it is, I'm just going to let them see this mess...let them see what my life is like. Bathrobe, messy-hair, puffy eyes and piles of used kleenex. I figured, if it's someone who knows us, they'll understand. If not, then it doesn't matter anyways.
So, I opened the door and a man was standing there with flowers. He said, Ryan and Roseanne? I said, Uh, no, Bryan and RaeAnne? Yep, close enough.
I brought them inside and unwrapped them. It was a beautiful rose and wintergreen arrangement that smells like winter and Christmas. It made me smile.
I read the card and realized they were an early anniversary gift from my parents. I texted her to say thank you. She said they were supposed to come next Friday (our actual anniversary). The florists mistake turned out to be a good thing because the brought a bit of good into a very bad day.
I'm still not going to get dressed, but at least I'm off the couch (for now).
I'm so glad something brought a smile to your face. I continue to lift you up in prayer and send continuous healing hugs and love for your tender, bruised, and oh so lonely heart. I love you RaeAnne. Truly I mean those words. I love you and will not cease to pray for you until you are once again whole even it means till the day I die. May you know comfort, peace, and security in your beautiful home with your wonderful and loving hubby. God bless you my precious friend. You can make it one breath at a time. You don't have to get dressed, fix your hair or look fabulous because you already are fabulous even in your hurting state. I wish I could give you an actual hug. Not that it would cure all things for you, but selfishly, it would seem like I did some small thing to bring you a bit of comfort or peace. Helplessness is such an awful feeling and one you are WAY too familiar with.
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