9 Months

I don't know what to say.

I'm empty inside.

Hollow.

I can vividly picture what might have should have been.

A big boy.

A big smile.

A little truck and some cars.

Happiness and love.

A loud home.

A grateful mama.


Instead, it's silence.

It's sadness. 

It's empty.



Nine months. Far too long, but only the beginning.

A one-year birthday party that will never happen, followed by a 2 and 3 and 10.

Pictures of a baby who will never grow past 35 weeks and 4 hours old.

Endless love and an endless desire for a different outcome.

Dreams that will never come true.


I miss you, my little man <3 


*See Bryan's post here.