Saturday, February 16, 2013


Well, it's starting... the first birthday reminders. 

I opened the mail today and found a magazine for Samuel. In huge letters on the cover page were the words: "How to Plan the Perfect 1st Birthday Party".

You know what happened? I said the first thing that came to mind. Loud and proud.


(I'll let you add the rest).

What else can you say?

If you know me, you know I don't swear. But I don't think there is a better word to describe how it feels to know you don't get to celebrate your baby's first birthday (or 2nd or 3rd, or 30th, or any).

I want to scream at the person who would dare write such a thing and then have the nerve to SEND IT to me.  How dare anyone celebrate a first birthday when I don't get to!!! (yeah, I know...).

It makes me sick to my core that the biggest thing other parents have to worry about at this point is how to impress their friends and show off their fabulous birthday-throwing skills. I could throw up right now.

I don't even know what to do with myself.

I'm envisioning ways of destroying the magazine... burning, ripping, cutting, burying, running it over with my car over and over again...nothing is bad enough and it won't change anything.

What a fricken nightmare.


  1. I remember that happening after I lost Bailey. One in particular wouldn't stop emailing me about where in my pregnancy I should be etc... I had to call and explain what happened and yell at someone to get the notices to stop. That kind of thing.... awful. So sorry!

  2. I'd send it back. Big red letters "return to sender, Samuel is dead. Do not send any more mail here ever." I've had to do that to a few mailers and it stopped eventually.


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