An Island in the Sun

This song has been in my head all day.

(the video has some awkwardness...it's just the song I like)

"On an island in the sun, we'll be playing, having fun....we'll spend some time forever...we'll never feel bad anymore. "

It makes me think of heaven. We'll get there and be with Samuel forever and ever. I can't wait <3

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Yesterday was a very sad day. A friend who I've met through All That Love Can Do, delivered her baby boy, Emery. She had carried him with so much love. He had been diagnosed with anecenephaly during the pregnancy, but she never gave up on him. (Read her blog, here).  It was beautiful to watch her love him and make the most of her time with him during the last few months I've known her. She was induced on Sunday night and was in labor for over 60 hours before he came.

Needless to say, following the updates on her page and watching and waiting for him to arrive brought back all the memories of Samuel's birth. I was in labor for what seemed like forever too. I hurt for her and I hurt for me. I remembered how tired and worn out I had felt. I remembered feeling like it was never going to end and I would be in labor forever. I also remember not wanting it to be the end. I loved having him with me!

When I heard he was delivered and only lived a few moments, I cried. He is so beautiful and it's not fair that another mama has to live without her little love. I sobbed for her, and for me.

I had this image of Samuel welcoming Emery into heaven. It was beautiful but heartbreaking. They should be here with us.

As it so often happens now, the tears were followed with anger. Where are you God? How can all these loved and wanted babies die when so many babies are perfectly healthy and born to undeserving and unloving parents?

The injustice repulses me.

Now I know what it's like to be on the outside of the story. Man, it's so hard. You are powerless and heartbroken. All I can say to her is "I'm so sorry".

What a mess. I'm ready for heaven <3