I figure there must be a breaking point at some point in all this mess. A point in time when your heart hurts so much and your soul has been ripped so many times you just give up. You become irreparably bitter and angry. I feel that happening today.
I'm so repulsed and horrified I can't even handle it. I want to scream and cry and rip my own heart out because it just hurts too much.
I believe I'm on that edge of just becoming a bitter, empty and angry person for the rest of my life. It's ugly but it's how I feel right now.
The other day, when my sister-in-law was here, she kept her coat on the entire time. I just knew in my heart she is pregnant and wanted to hide it from me.
Well today I comfirmed it's true.
I think I'll just go and die somewhere.
I can't even keep one baby and she somehow get's to have 6. This world is disgusting and horrible and unjust.
I hope I never ever ever have to see or hear anything about this or any other baby ever again.
Do you know what worse than death? Wanting to die but not being able to. I can't leave Bryan behind. I can't do that to him.
But today I wish I could.