Friday, December 14, 2012

Eight Months

My little guy must be getting so big!

I imagine him sitting in heaven with blocks and wooden trucks he's crashing together, with a huge smile, babbling away to anyone who will listen. It breaks my heart I'm not with him.

I would give anything to see him and be with him. Today is a heavy-heart kind of day, with lots of tears already and it's only 6am. Maybe today is a "just stay in bed" sort of day.

I miss him so much. I can't believe he's not here to play with and snuggle and smother with kisses.

Bryan and I talked for a while last night about what he might look like now. I bet he still looks like his daddy. I bet he has a big smile with a few little teeth popping through and bright big eyes that sparkle. I bet he's a mostly calm little guy like his daddy, but with a spunky side like his mama. I bet he loves animals and books and listening to beautiful music.

I wonder what it's like to grow up in heaven? Beautiful and perfect and amazing.

I want to go too.

I don't understand why we've been left here to try to live without him. How will I make it for another 50-70 years without him? What a mess this life is.

I miss him so much today.

Happy eight months little man! We love you so very much! We hope your great-grandmas are taking extra good care of you and spoiling you a lot today. We can't wait to see you again and hear all about it.

Love and kisses, 
mama and daddy

Now to go find some Kleenex and my comforter. It's going to be a hard day.


  1. Oh how my heart aches for you and Brian! Eight months old! I know this is so hard, the hardest thing ever to deal with. Accept my hugs!
    I imagine my angels still babies. I wonder what it is like too. I can't wait to get there.
    James and I both follow your blog.

  2. Thinking of you and Samuel. ((HUGS))

    <3 <3


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