Friday, August 3, 2012

Sometimes I wonder...

What is it like to have a normal pregnancy?

What would it be like to not hear the words, "you're baby is not going to live"'?

What would it feel like to just simply enjoy the pregnancy... not always wonder if this will be the day he dies.

What is it like to not spend every day, every hour, every second of your pregnancy begging God to save your son's life?

What is it like to go to ultrasound appointments with excitement about seeing your love, not with anxiety and fear over what you may see (or not see)?

What is it like to just buy things for your baby knowing full well he will wear them/use them not secretly thinking they will never be his?

What is it like to not wonder if he is hurting?

What is it like to spend all day talking to him just because you love him, and not also because you know this may be your last time to say anything to him?

What would it be like to go through labor and delivery and get to hold your son after all that work?

What is it like to take your baby home with you when you leave the hospital?

What is it like to be so happy and exhausted for weeks after he is born?

What would it be like to keep the baby you love and want so much?

Now that this has happened, my innocence is lost.
So, what's it like to have a normal pregnancy: I'll never know.

1 comment:

  1. I am SO sorry that you were robbed of that. I got to have two lovely, naive pregnancies. But after back-to-back losses, I lost the ability to be naive. And I am eternally jealous of people who are. People who feel confident announcing their pregnancies at 8 weeks or 12 weeks because my babies died at 14 and 23 weeks. Jealous of people who look forward to their ultrasounds because they are so exciting and they don't have the fear that the tech will be sworn to silence because something is not right.


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