Thursday, June 28, 2012

With Love, From Texas

One of Bryan's brothers, Mark, his wife Priscilla, and their two kids came up from Texas this past week to stay with Bryan's parents for a week. We always have such a great time with them. Priscilla is one of those people you just really like right away when you meet her. So fun and spunky and open. She's super good at just asking you how things are and expecting the truth. No need for false pretenses. When we learned they were coming, we were glad. But it's also hard to get really excited/happy about anything right now. I knew I would love seeing them and spending time, but I also had another "Samuel will never be apart of this" moment when we drove over to Hutchinson to see them this past weekend. It was the first time we have been with his family since the funeral. Hard to be happy when it should be a time of showing off our sweet new bundle and passing him around for hugs and cuddles. But we pulled ourselves together and went, and it turned out to be a nice time of being surrounded by family. I really like Bryan's family. We get along so well and I always have a fun time hanging out with his siblings and their families. (Bryan is one of seven kids). The happiness of seeing them is just another sad reminder that this is not how our lives should be right now. (I hate that so many things make me sad when they should be happy times).

I brought photo books of Samuel for everyone and got to see them looking at his precious little face. It was my way of "passing him around" to show him off. It's all I've got.

While we were there, Priscilla and I were talking and she told me she and her sister, Lanette, wanted to love on us by giving us meals. Since they both live in Texas, they couldn't exactly bring us meals so instead they decided to give us Let's Dish meals. I was so touched! (Let's Dish is a place you go to put together meals, package them and take home to store in your freezer. You can make a months-worth of food in a few hours, then you don't have to think about "what's for dinner" each night.) She said I could go if I felt up to it, or she would bring them to me if I didn't. I told her it sounded like a good time of being out of the house. (Highly unlikely there would be babies there, I figured). We set it up to go on Wednesday. We met for Starbucks first and talked for a while. Then, she treated me to a pedicure. (Listen, she knows how to spoil a girl.) After we finished, we went to Let's Dish and spent a few hours talking, working and making meals. It was really nice. I need to try to be "normal" and get out every once in a while. It's nice to go places where babies won't be so I can relax a bit.

The one dumb thing is that I get super tired, super easily lately. I also have a hard time concentrating. She was patient with me, even when I was moving slow. (There was a really weird moment when I was making things when I suddenly just felt so sad. I couldn't figure out why it was so out of nowhere until I realized the music on the speakers overhead was a song I play a lot lately when I'm sad about him. Crazy how my brain picked up on it and gave a surge of sadness without me realizing it.) After the whole day of being out in the real world I was a bit tired. But, by far, it was a great day with a special sister-in-law.

After we packed up my treasures in the cooler, we drove to our house so she could see Samuel's room, look at pictures and his hand/feet molds, and watch some of the videos we have (I may not have mentioned this before: my older brother, Ryan, took videos while Bryan was with Samuel in Rochester. I have videos of snuggles, bath-time, getting dressed and making molds/footprints. I cherish them.) It's always nice to share what I have of him with people. She cried and that means a lot to me. I know she cares so much about us and will miss him forever with us. I like knowing other people love him too.

Now I've got a day of good memories, a freezer packed full of yummy, healthy and mostly-prepared meals (Bryan will, once again, be well fed), and the comfort of knowing how much we are loved. It's nice to have a good day.

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