Thursday, March 14, 2013
Today our little guy would be 11 months old. He should be babbling and playing, practicing first steps and exploring this big world. I miss him so much!
Yesterday was really rough. I cried a lot of the day. Sometimes, it's all I can do. I just miss him.
Today is not as bad, I'm just very lonely for him. He would be my big boy! and we'd be having lots of fun together. I think I would have taken him to the Children's Museum today. That would have been fun.
Bryan and I talked about him a lot last night. What he'd be doing, what we are missing about him (everything) and what we think he might be doing in heaven. It's so hard to imagine a place you don't understand. We don't know how old he is, what he looks like or what it's like for him. So we just guess and try to be okay with our idea of the beautiful life he is living. I wish I could go too.
These past 11 months have gone by in a blur. I honestly can't account for most of it. I believe my brain is working on auto-pilot most of the time. How on earth has it been this long? How on earth have we survived? I don't know. We lean on each other. We take it one day at a time.
Before we knew he was sick, I bought him a super cute wooden rocking car. It's bright red and has a bench seat so he could sit inside to play driving. (I would put a photo of it here, but it's packed away in the storage room, like so many of his unused things). I imagine him playing in his car now. I think he would have loved it.
His special Easter basket we ordered came in the mail today. My mom got it for him. I love it!
I wish with all my heart he could be here to wear a cute little suit and go hunting for eggs. I can't believe he's not.
Today marks the countdown to his first birthday. I'm not okay with that. But I have no choice. I guess it's one day closer to seeing him again.
We miss you so much, sweet boy! You would be getting to big! I wonder if you might be holding yourself up and practicing steps for daddy. I bet you would have loved spending time with him after work. I know we are missing out on some amazing moment with you, as you learn and grown. We love you forever, little man <3
Mama and Daddy
On a side note, later today, I have something special to post...so if you're reading this, check back tonight.