My heart is heavy and I'm worn out.
Why is the world such an ugly place? Why are people so ugly at heart? So selfish and cruel, so rude and uncaring?
I'm so ready to be done forever. I can't even tell you how much.
Two things are heavy on my mind:
1. I read a note by Carly Marie earlier and it broke my heart. (For the one person reading this who doesn't know who she is, let me tell you). She is a loss mother who has dedicated her life and time to making gorgeous artwork for other hurting families. She creates beautiful things to honor lives lost. She touches hundreds of thousands of people with her work. She has an amazing website that I know has helped countless people who face a life without their baby(ies).
Here are some of the things she's made for Samuel:
She hand draws the butterflies on the beach near her home. She does it all in the name of her son, Christian, who died at birth.
This week, she has been harassed, called names, and verbally attacked by a large number of horrible people who are uncomfortable with grief and the death of babies. She wrote about it on her facebook page and when I read her words, my heart broke for her. She is one of the most beautiful and loving people I've ever encountered, someone who has lost her beautiful son and now has to live without him, and now she's having nasty comments thrown at her?
Who are the ugly people?
I simply can't handle any more of this nonsense. What kind of horrible world is this where hurting people are hurt over and over again by people who have no business making any comments at all? I'm absolutely fed up. I've had my fair share of moronic comments and I know how deeply those words cut. I can imagine what she's feeling right now and I'm sick for her.
All I know is this: if you can't understand why losing your loved and wanted baby is absolutely devastating, heart-wrenching and horrific, and that life can not possibly be the same ever again for a person who's experienced it, then you are simply heartless, brainless or soulless. That's all there is to it. For the love of everyone on this earth, keep your stupidity to yourself!
2. A few weeks ago, I made a graphic for All That Love Can Do. Running the page and the groups are the one thing I have to focus on. The one thing that makes me feel like I'm actually doing something with my life. This is what I made:
I made this graphic because I was so tired of people being told their time was "up" and it was time to move on from their pain. I sat down and wrote the words and then put them with an image to make a graphic I could share on the page. Image my shock when a few days later, I saw that my words had over 120,000 views, over 7 thousand shares and several thousands of likes. I felt so good to know my word were meaningful to other people!!
Then, I started seeing it on other pages, with my watermark cropped off. Someone had stolen my words, my work, and was passing it off as their own! I felt sick. Within days, it went viral. As of today, it's been shared over 1 million times. Clearly, my words were meaningful. What hurts me is that 90% of those shares were the stolen image. My words are no longer mine. Tons of sites have been credited with them instead of me, instead of my page.
What could have been something really special for me to feel proud of, was, instead, another thing I've been cheated out of.
I can't even tell you how much it hurts me every time I see it on a page without my logo. This in the one thing I have in life, and now it's been stolen too.
Like I said, I'm just feeling sick and tired and completely fed up with this life and all the ugly people on this planet.
Will there ever be a day when people stop caring only about themselves and start caring about how the things they say and do impact others? Probably not.
I'm done. My shattered heart can't take any more of this.