September 13th, 2011

A few days prior, I thought I'd started my period. I told Bryan we'd have to try again next month. (You see, we'd been trying to get pregnant for a few months). I left the house at 5:30pm to go to my office and set up for the monthly support group I ran. After it was done, I came home to find Bryan making dinner (Tuesdays are his night to cook). We just chatted a bit and then I went to change and get ready for supper. At some point, I really don't know when, it occurred to me that my "period" was so very light this time around. Hmmm... maybe I should take a test? So I went to the bathroom, took a test and set it on the floor to process. In the time it took me to wash up, I looked down and saw two perfect and bright pink lines. Oh my goodness!! Oh my goodness!! We're going to have a baby!!

Immediately, my brain began searching its databases for great ideas on how I could tell Bryan the news. Fancy dinner out, a gift box with the test inside, a "I love my daddy" outfit, and so on. But I couldn't wait. This was special news and nothing more was needed than to just say it. I set the test back down and, with excitement and a huge smile I was trying to hide, I called into the kitchen, "Bryan, can you come here please?" He walked in to the dining room and looked at me. I pulled out a chair and said, "I need you to sit down." I walked back into the bathroom. Then, without saying anything, and now able to smile again with him safely out of view, I picked up the test and carried it out to him. I set it down and let him look. He looked and then looked up at me. "We're going to have a baby!!" I told him, now openly excited. "Oh my goodness! I'm going to be a daddy!" huge smiles from him then lots of hugging, laughing and excitement.

So much happiness! So much excitement! So much love for the precious new life!

September 13th, 2011  -- So naive, so happy, so full of love and hope. So much joy.

September 13th, 2012 -- So much sadness and grief. Loss of innocence, loss of a precious life, loss of hope and loss of joy.

Today brings memories of a day we'll cherish forever <3, but it also brings a bitterness for what is lost.

September 13th, 2011 -- One of my favorite days of all time.

September 13th, 2012 -- Just another day in my nightmare.