Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The things that mock me

All of his things are mocking me. Every time I see them, they call out: "Why did you buy us? We're just sitting here, collecting dust. You should have let someone who is capable of having a healthy baby buy us instead!"

I'm about ready to burn them all in a pile.

All the little outfits, the little shoes, the diapers, the car seat, the stroller, the crib, the blankets, the toys, the bouncy seats and on and on and on. It was all a huge waste.

Who did we think we were, buying all this stuff? How arrogant of us to think we'd actually be bringing home a baby to use it all!

Everything in our house is a lie. It looks like we have a baby, but there is no baby. It seems like we're a happy little family, but that's a lie too.

How dare we move into a home with lots of bedrooms? Did we so stupidly think we'd just get to fill it up?

We belong in an apartment. At least then it wouldn't seem like we're trying to be something we're so obviously not.

I'm so sick of this house and these things and my life!

Where can I go to escape it all? How can I move away forever and never have to see any of it ever again?

Everywhere I look, everywhere I go, all I see is happy mamas with healthy babies. I could just scream at them, "Who are you to deserve this?!?"

Mother's Day crap is EVERYWHERE. I'm so sick of hearing about it, I could throw up. It can't possibly pass soon enough.

Clearly, year two: not over it yet. 

What a big huge ugly mess.


  1. Hugs girl. I feel for you. No, it's not over yet. I had a meltdown in WalMart this morning when this mother was yelling at her little toddler. Tears were coming down my face and I went looking for her!

    1. That's SO HARD when you see people who don't even appreciate the gift they have!

  2. I feel the same kind of, but not really. We bought all of the baby stuff, but while we were in Canada, our friends took everything away. I never saw any of it again. I wish I could remember exactly how everything looked. I wish I could go into his nursery and just sit there. I wish I at least had a photo of it. Everything feels make believe for me. Like I made it all up since there is hardly any physical evidence of him at all.

    1. I feel that way too! Like I must have made this all up. I guess it's just another thing we have to deal maybe we've just lost out minds.

      I'm sorry you don't have at least a photo :(

  3. I'm so sorry mama... I feel the same way and it really sucks. Big Hugs!!


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