Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Reaching Out

I've had a few hard days. As you might expect, it started around his three month birthday. Yesterday morning, I was just feeling so overwhelmed by everything...the sadness, the hurt, the tears, the sleeplessness, the well-meaning people in my life trying to help me "move on"... and I was just worn out. I decided to send a note to a fellow babyloss mama, Angela, from one of my favorite blogs, Little Bird. We've messaged a couple times and she always seems to be really open to talking. I basically just unloaded everything I'd been going through and ask her suggestions/opinions. I told her how sad I was and how it felt like I was getting pressure to stop feeling so sad all the time (as it was put to me, "don't you want to stop feeling so bad?" if I have some choice in the matter). I asked her how to get in touch with other babyloss mamas for some help and support. She is such a dear, she wrote me back with loving words about how it's absolutely ok to feel sad for as long as I need to. She also gave suggestions of support groups to try. How cool that someone who lives so far away would care about me enough to help? She even wrote a blogpost about my note. Because of it, I've been blessed with so many encouraging notes/comments! My heart breaks when I think of just how many mama's are without their loves, but it's nice to know you're not alone. (If I could, I'd give every one of them their sweet little ones back!!) I guess it's taught me a lesson: you don't have to go it alone. If you can't find someone around you that understands, find someone far away!  Thank you, Angela, and all the others who have rallied around me. It means so much <3.

Last night, Bryan and I were talking about Samuel. We reminisced about the very first ultrasound at 11 weeks. Remember when he waved hello?  I said. We both smiled at the precious memory of his tiny, perfect ittty-bitty hand waving "hello" on the monitor. The staff in the room had laughed because it seemed exactly like that was what he was doing. My precious boy...I miss him so! We're trying to remember all the good times. We love those memories, but it's heartbreaking to think we don't get more.I just love him so much!

Our perfect little guy, Samuel at 11 weeks. That tiny little hand waved to us and we knew we'd love him forever.


  1. I'm glad you were blessed by our community.

    I love the story you ended with of your little guy waving hello. Samuel is loved and missed.

  2. Hi there,
    I'm another one from little bird, just stopping by to say you're not alone.
    Just spent the whole day reading everything you've written, and feeling so sorry for the loss of your precious -and very cute- little Samuel.
    I'm glad you got to see him, but sad you couldn't get to spend more than those precious ten minutes with him... my heart is reaching out to you.
    Please keep writing, as we keep reading. You're not alone, even overseas in Holland your beautiful son is known now... and missed.
    With love,


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