Our Doctor is hopeless...

...he tries so hard to get us to understand that Samuel won't live. Too bad for him that God is the author of life! I'm starting to feel bad for him. We went in for our appointment at the Mayo Clinic yesterday. We knew Samuel was ok, so there was really no stress at all. We were happy and content. Our doctor came in with the ultrasound machine and all was as we expected; Samuel's heart beat was steady and he was squirming all around as per usual. At one point, the doctor stopped the sensor over Samuel's chest and we noticed some movements. He asked us "Do you know what those movements are?" "That's him practicing breathing." I smiled and must have looked really happy because he immediately said, "unfortunately, this doesn't mean anything has changed". (He is SUCH a nice guy, so don't think he meant to be cruel). I said, "I know you have to keep reminding us, but we believe God is healing him, so we are going to be hopeful". Blank stare from doctor. "Ok, it's good to have hope". The poor man! He spent 10 minutes telling us all the things wrong and we spent 10 minutes telling him we don't accept it. Both he and I are polite people, so it was kind of funny. He, trying to tell us the "reality" of the situation, us, trying to tell him the TRUTH of the situation. I smile just thinking of this poor fellow! Little does he know that he will be a witness to a miracle! While I was praying for Samuel this week, I asked God to show me something...anything...that would tell me God was working on him. So, to the doctor, practicing breathing was just something happening. To me, it was a love note from God: "I am with Samuel and I love him!" God knows he is going to need to know how to breathe, so He is teaching Samuel how. How awesome!

I heard something this past week that I love. Natural truths that speak of destruction are heavenly lies.The person went on to explain how what seems to be truth based on earthly "facts" that result in destruction are lies when compared to the promises and plans of God. So, in other words, when the very skilled and educated doctor looks at the facts, he interprets them according to natural truths (PUV = death). But when God looks at the situation, he knows the truth  (nothing is impossible). It's not always easy to live with this mindset (I like science and I think there are amazing things that doctors have created/accomplished - Thank God for them!). Sometimes, I feel like a crazy person. But if complete and utter faith is what God requires, then I will do my very best.

When I stop to think about where I was a few months ago and what we have been through, I get overwhelmed. The pain and horror of the initial period after we received the diagnosis is still fresh in my mind. Whenever I have to tell the story, and I bring those days/weeks to mind, I can't help but cry because the pain was so intense. And now, months later, we are ok. How on earth did we get to this place? Only through the love of God and the support of family and friends who care and diligently pray for us. The amount of gratitude I have for God is unending. Early this morning, I wasn't able to sleep so I was reading some things online and trying to find him a bedding set (the original set is not an option anymore and despite looking at what seems like 492 thousand of them, I hate them all and none are good enough for him - more to come on this later).

During my early morning computer-fest, I was on the Duggars' website. One of my favorite things in life is their show called 19 Kids and Counting. (Yes,yes, everyone has opinions about them..blah, blah, blah. I love them!) I was watching a clip from the new season that showed the moment Michelle (the mom) lost her baby (she was due a few weeks before me). The look on her face was one I know all too well. The pain in her eyes was a pain I felt when I thought I had lost Samuel. I couldn't help but remember that feeling and I cried. Not because I felt the bad again, but because I am so utterly and completely thankful beyond words that God has saved us from that pain. I owe everything to Him and I can't possible repay Him in any way other than my bumbling words of gratitude. Thank you Lord God of heaven and earth! You are awesome and powerful! You are my protector and my ever-present help in times of trouble! 


Samuel is the joy in my life and he makes me smile every day. I imagine what he will look like and how it will feel to hold him close. I can't wait!! I may not ever let anyone else hold him :) I will love him forever; he is my precious little guy. Now, if only I could find bedding good enough for him...