For the past two days or so, Samuel has not been moving much. I don't like that! It makes me start down the "what's going on in there" path. Yesterday, after a very quiet afternoon on Samuel's part, I was praying, "God, please let him move! That's when I started thinking about how I need to be strong and have faith no matter what. As I've been learning more about what it means to truly have faith, I've realized it is more than just saying "I think this or that is going to happen." It's being confident. (Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is being confident in things we hope for and sure of things unseen.") Sure and Confident. Those words don't exactly leave any room for doubt. When is the last time I was absolutely sure about something? So, right then and there, I changed my prayer from "please let him move" to "help me to be courageous no matter what." I decided that even if I don't feel him move for the next 3 months, I'm not going to give in to the temptation to worry. I have asked God in faith to heal him and so that's what I'm going to expect. Nothing more, nothing less. (Bryan and I were thinking that he may not have much room to move since there is almost no amniotic fluid and he keeps growing.)
Last Sunday night, we met for the first time with our new small group at church. It was a fun night. During the conversation, we talked about how we can pray for help with anything. Nothing is too big or too small for God. (One family in our group prayed for a treadmill and ended up having someone give them one for free!) He loves to hear from you!
Another issue Bryan and I have been toiling with is the issue of interventions. For our next appointment in Rochester, we are meeting with a neonatologist to discuss what, if anything, will be done for Samuel when he is born. Our regular doctor had told us quite clearly, the answer is "nothing, really, except to make him comfortable". (thanks again, Doctor). I've been going over this point again and again. If we are asking God for a complete healing, then He will either heal him completely or He won't. I don't think He would give us a "sort-of" miracle where Samuel is born alive but not healed. In Matthew 7, Jesus says "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?
Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are sinners, know
how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father
in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" This tells me two things. One, God will not give us a weird version of our request. (The healing will be complete and everything will be restored). Two, God gives "good gifts to those who ask". He doesn't say anything about what kinds of requests will be honored (big or small) just that he will do it if we ask. Notice that is takes work on our part first; we have to ask not just assume. (Now, I don't for one second think we can ask for things that don't line up with who God is. i.e "please God, let me win the lottery".) But He is our father and wants good things for us. So, we will plan out steps with the neonatologist, but expect not to use them.
This also applies to my decision not to be induced. I know people have all sorts of opinions on this and that's fine, you do what feels right to you. For me, the idea of induction is weird. Why make a baby come before it's "done"? I especially cringe when people are induced just because of their doctors schedule. Unless there is a specific medical reason for doing so, let the baby tell you when he or she is ready. To my knowledge, no baby has ever stayed in there forever. (Ok, that was my soap-box, now to get to the point).
At our last appointment, our doctor told us that he only delivers on Mondays, so eventually we would just pick our Monday and I'd be induced. I didn't tell him this, but NO WAY! We specifically pray that Samuel will be born in God's due time. I refuse to do anything to determine when that time should be. This goes back to my idea that God doesn't do "sort-of" miracles. If I pray for something specifically, then I better be willing to do my part if I expect God to do His. So, unless I go into labor on a Monday, then I guess we'll get whichever doctor is there that day!
I purposely left the best for last: This morning, when I woke up, Samuel was kicking up a storm. Not just little kicks, but big huge "I'm here" kicks. And it's continued all day long. How awesome when God provides things for you, even things you don't need.
Thank you Lord for always hearing my prayers. You knew I needed to feel him (in my weakness) so you answered me! You are awesome! Thank you that I can ask for anything, big or small, and you hear me.
On an unrelated note, we FINALLY got our bedding! It's perfect and I love it!