Remembering Samuel

Samuel's memorial service was April 28th. I've been wanting to write about it for a while, but what do you say about a baby's funeral? It was beautiful and horrific. Everyone involved did such a great job of helping us honor Samuel's short life. I remember waking up that morning with such a strange feeling. Is this really what I'm going to do today? Just another scene in the nightmare. When he was first diagnosed, and we had no hope, we sat down and planned his funeral. (Just thinking about it makes me so sick. No mommy or daddy should ever have to do that. EVER. But we did.) Then, when we decided to have hope instead of despair, we put it all away with the full intention of burning the papers when he was born healthy. (oh...false hope...). When he died, we pulled out the papers; sick to be using them, but grateful we didn't have to think much now that it was over.

We were blessed (there's that word again) to have so many friends and family members surround us with their love and support. We live so far away from most of them but they still came and it meant so much.

Here is the program we made.

Here are the songs we used during the service

Brooke Baker (my sister-in-law's sister-in-law) did an amazing job of performing this song for us. She has such a beautiful voice. She was accompanied on the piano by my mom's cousin who also was wonderful.

My uncle Ken, who also married us, gave the message. It was perfect. 

We made this video for him. It's really special to me, but also hard to watch right now.

I'm not sure what else to say. Here are the photos my sisters took for us. They can tell the story. 

A beautiful arrangement sent by Bryan's office.

Samuel's bassinet, buddies, blankie and outfit.

I'm not sure if people knew this at the time, but this tiny little box holds Samuel's ashes. 

This quilt was made by a special family friend, Dixie, just for Samuel.

The blankie I made for him and some special photos.

A family friend, Maria, who blessed us with some beautiful songs.

The molds of his hands and feet. The middle one is Samuel's hand in Bryan's. 

My sisters wrote a song for Samuel when I told them I was pregnant.

The program. We used the photo given to us by a special friend, Erin, who now has two babies in heaven also <3

A special arrangement sent from all of his cousins on Bryan's side. So cute.

This is the box we got to hold his special things.

Everyone wrote notes on balloons to send to Samuel.

I don't know who wrote this one, but I love it.

We actually smiled once that day when we imagined Samuel surrounded by his balloons :)

 

 My brother, Josh, took a video of the entire service. I can't watch it yet. Someday.

We wrote a letter to Samuel. It, along with the letters from my parents and Bryan's parents were read during the service. That was hard. Here is our love letter to Samuel.